Truth

Today is my 5 year anniversary for my job.
Truth: this is crap that nothing happens.  I have been told by a few people I look big into my pregnancy today.  Good thing it isn't my birthday- I'd be even more upset.
I think I get a picnic blanket at the quarterly meeting for hitting 5 years.  Yea.....

Sleep training our little man for like the 4th time ever?
Truth:  everyone makes it seem like you do it the first time it sticks.  NOPE.  Little man got a cold last year and stopped falling asleep on his own.  So being an only child we spoiled him and would lay with him until he fell asleep.
Started last night by just sitting in the glider in his room while he fell asleep.  Which was great cause he didn't complain AND that chair is so comfy right now.
He was always the best sleeper until that stupid cold...

This is my third pregnancy, second to almost full term.
Truth: You really don't keep as much track after the first one.  I honestly am not quite sure what week I am.  I think 31 weeks....

I wasn't able to nest last time because of the issues with that pregnancy limiting my physical capabilities
Truth:  I think the hubby may kill me for the nesting I am doing now.  Lets just say the family room looks like we're moving in or out, not just organizing.

I don't ever want to own a dog or any furry creature.

Truth: Since living with my in-laws they now have two dogs and my SIL's have all bought dogs and snakes.  I never touched a snake before two weeks ago but this sweet little one wasn't too bad (no picture of me holding her but this is my little man who was so soft with her).

So my hubby and the little man may push me for a dog.... Dang it.

My work season starts on Thursday for 2017 (even though we started work on it back in May but now it's "official").

Truth: I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

I have double the amount of work anyone this season (it can never be predicted) and I have until mid-October before I go on maternity leave and have to get everyone contacted, contracted, and firmed up before then.  So that when I come back in December I don't die.  Which I might do anyway

Yesterday at church I combined classes with another lady and she filmed my class for her little youtube channel she does with her famous husband

Truth:  IT REALLY BUGS ME that I try to not show much of my son on social media but now he's on this wildly popular youtube channel?  Also, why is she filming in CHURCH?  They actually tell us not to.

Little man starts preschool on Thursday as well which he is so excited for.

Truth:  I am apprehensive, nervous, scared, excited, and gonna cry.

My emotions are all over the place right now and part of that is I just wanna be honest with people.
I'm tired, my clothes don't fit, hubby started working again, and I just wanna take a week off (which I have the PTO for but gotta save that for maternity leave).

But I'm healthy.
The baby is healthy.
My boys are healthy.
I just might survive....

Dreams

Right before I announced to my in-laws about pregnancy #2 my sister-in-law said she had a dream we were pregnant.
Then she and another sister-in-law said they dreamt it was a boy.

When my middle sister-in-law announced she was pregnant the younger sister-in-law said she knew someone was.

My in-laws have a weird thing where dreams kinda come true or tell a truth to them.
I think it comes from my father-in-laws side as he says he has these dreams all the time- he just chooses not to share 99% of them.

With this third pregnancy my younger SIL and my husband both kept dreaming it was a girl way before we could tell on an ultrasound (and if you know our genetic history having a girl from my husband is scary- she'll be a carrier of his disease, could be symptomatic, etc and it's scary).
And they almost dreamt it would be a little girl with dark, almost black, hair.

I've been having a hard time this pregnancy- it wasn't planned, my husband is still in school and I'm the main provider, and it started out really scary and for 2 weeks we were told I was most likely miscarrying.

So when I went to my final ultrasound alone, saw a BABY, I was kinda shocked.
You start getting ready for another loss (very similar to pregnancy #1) and then get a SHOCK.
So it's been hard for me to get excited.  Then finding out it was a girl, when we needed a boy who would NOT have the disease, I've been kinda in a place of non-excitement.

I started buying some girl stuff to get excited, my son tickles my tummy and kisses his baby sister, and through all this trying to be excited on the outside where on the inside- I'm a mess.

But then I had a dream last night- I had just brought this little girl home from the hospital.
She had good chubby cheeks, just enough hair to tell it was dark, and these sweet big eyes.
She was a good nurser too (which I have to pray for as I have this blessing/curse that my milk comes in at 7 months pregnant).
And I woke up just HAPPY that she was healthy enough to nurse (part of the genetic disease is if they are strongly symptomatic they can't have protein so you usually can't nurse) and that she was so sweet.  I could just feel the strong love and need to protect her.

This makes me very emotional today but very excited to bring a sweet spirit into our home.

Also, similar to where we are now, she still didn't have a name in my dream.  We had one we were tossing around but still didn't  know.  Dang it :)

(18 weeks)
I'm 28 weeks tomorrow

VBAC with Uterine Fibroid

I had a c-section with my first kiddo (4 years and 2 days ago.  My li'l boy is SO big now).
It was a great story-
I had some contractions 2 days past my due date that were pretty consistent. But I thought- I'd rather go to bed.
So I did.
Woke up at 6am, jumped out of bed-
"Honey I think I peed the bed. I am so sorry!"
So I went to the bathroom and the peeing didn't stop (sorry if TMI).

As the hubby is asking if my water broke I notice it's meconium.

Yeah, my water broke in bed.  Not sure if that mattress cover is water proof now after we bleached it to death after that.

Went to the hospital, was the only one in L&D (which was amazing for the largest hospital in Utah), got checked in and the nurses verified it was meconium and I was in active labor.

37 fun hours labor and still only at 5cm dilated we did a c-section.
Baby was not dropping, worried about him being meconium, so we got him out.
Complications in c-section (fibroid was HUGE and they couldn't get it back in so I started bleeding out).  But everything is fine and we were home I think on Friday when I was checked in on Sunday.  LONG STAY.

So I assumed this time I would be a c-section again with the fibroid being in the same position.
My doctor agreed it would be best to just plan the c-section.

But now that the fibroid is actually NOT growing as much as last time I'm starting to think- what about a VBAC?  Hmm...

Plus the whole thing of picking the day your children will be born is
1. weird.  What if they hate the day I pick?  Mostly joking.
2. a big drama thing with family

A lot of family is born around that time and I've already had two people tell me they don't want to share the date.  SERIOUSLY?  Then my doctor is out of town the one day that would work perfectly.

So maybe I will just wait to go into labor naturally?
I enjoyed my epidural last time (that anesthesiologist was FANTASTIC!  The only thing I felt was the warm blood dripping down my back (sounds gross, sorry but I found it cool)).
But I'm intrigued by natural labor.
*Sidenote after I wrote this- the baby is breach right now at 27 weeks.  Crap.

I have an appointment next week along with my GD test (I think I'm the only one that enjoys that sugar filled juice.  Yum).  So I had better write down some questions!

Well I'm work in 50 minutes.  Sweet!
And I just secured hotel rooms for this weekend for a little getaway.  Wahoo!

The Little Man

My little man is turning 4 this weekend.  How is that possible?
how is it possible that he is SO tall?
how is it possible that he knows how to question me now, how to tease me, and when to hug me when I need it most?

I'm not huge into birthday parties- unfortunately I married a family who LOVES parties.
So you gotta do something (except my birthday this year which I am basically ignoring because I'll be 38 weeks pregnant.  I'm asking for car mats.  I want a boring birthday and to be ignored).

So I decided the little man's birthday is going to be a water fight.
Should be easy and cheap enough right?
Tons of Little Caesar's Pizza, drinks, a plastic pool full of water beads (cause I have TONS) and water balloons.
A basket of water guns.
A bucket full of water sponges.

There are going to be 8 kids which isn't too bad (unless my sister is in town with her kids then 10 kids total but somehow I'm thinking the 14, 16, and 18 year olds won't be participating as much when the other kids are 10, 10, 8, 7, 7, 4, and 3).

I made up a cute invitation

I can handle this, right?

This Too Shall Pass

Today is an off day for me.
I've been a bit more down this pregnancy and that comes from a lot of outside sources as well as being hormonal.

But today is probably a day I should just go home.

1. Girl at work who has always been the "mean girl" to me adopted a baby 6 months ago.  Ignored my attempts to say congrats.  She announces today (her last day in our office before she moves and works from home) that she's miraculously pregnant.  Again- attempts denied.
So I wrote her a note congratulating her and went on a walk to avoid any attempts for her to say anything.  But then again why would she?  She doesn't like me.

2. We went to our ranch a few weeks ago and started a puzzle.  We had to put another one away to start the new one.  Yesterday and today I get the meanest texts from my family because they were going to frame the other one.  How would I know that?!  And why be so caustic over a PUZZLE?!

3. This is just a selfish complaint.  I do wish I worked for a company that gave me real maternity leave.  I have to save all my PTO this year for maternity leave and even then I'll only have about 3 weeks paid.  I hate that I'm working for a company who underpays me and all my attempts for a new better job just aren't coming through.

Rachel at work just passed a note to someone else that I think I needed today:
Remember- this too shall pass.
I needed that.
I may not survive but I know it'll pass.

Emotional Today

So here's a rant for ya:
I am sick of hearing people say awful things about these parents who have things happen to their children. You CANNOT judge the situation cause you were NOT there. Leave the parents alone and let the judging stand with your Heavenly Father.

I am sick of people not knowing people beneath them- there are people at work who have been with the company 15+ years and have no idea anything about the receptionist in our office or the front desk for our building. Get to know them- they're good people!

I am sick of people assuming that because it's a "good" economy now that everyone can get a job easily. Guess what- it's STILL hard to make enough money to get by or to buy a home. We're all doing the best we can with what we are able.

When I say hi to you in the hall- don't just give me a half smile. Try smiling and saying hi back- it might make your day a bit better to know someone noticed you.

When I hear you speak poorly of your spouse in public it makes me think you have a bad relationship. Only speak poorly of a spouse if they are ABUSING you verbally/physically and you need help.

We're a great human race- we have amazing things.
We have these phones that can teach us anything.
We have the right to attend college and vote for laws.
You are not restricted by your religion, your gender, or your status in society.

Do something good with your life and stay positive!
The other options just aren't good enough for you.

Our Humbling Experience

It's no secret that we live with my in-laws.
We have for the last year and a half.
And had hoped to move out around this time as Caleb would have one year left of school and hopefully a job already.

Set backs happen and we're now looking at 3-4 years with my in-laws.

There are options to move out but on my salary alone- we'd be moving about an hour's drive away from work/school/babysitters.  Not ideal.  It's expensive in the Salt Lake Valley.

We're struggling right now.
Struggling to fit in with a neighborhood that is well established- sick of the jokes about how long school is taking, sick of the lessons at church where people talk about building their next house, the vacations they take out of the country, etc.

Sick of being left out of things.
Or being judged cause I work full-time and therefore can't take my child to the play date/preschool everyone else is taking their kids too.

Our situation is different but NOT unheard of.

So we must either humble ourselves more, suck it up to survive 1-2 more years, or we can buckle down and sacrifice.

I can get another job that pays better (trust me, I am trying!), Caleb can get a part-time job (he is trying as well- if anyone knows of a good job that won't make him work Sundays PLEASE let us know), and then we could afford to move out or afford daycare/preschool.

But I want to stay home.
I'm having our 2nd child in 4 months and I want to be home with my kids.
But it won't be possible yet.
And we're sick of the judgment for our situation.

It's not a forever situation, it's not like we WANT to be living in a cramped basement.

But it is our humbling experience and we're kinda stuck for now.